If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)
Sex was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
ARCHITECT is One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
The word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
A fool despises good counsel, but a wise man takes it to heart.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough.
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they think laughable.
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
I exercise strong self-control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
A wonderful doctor gave this guy 6 months to live. When he couldn’t pay his bill, he gave him another 6 months.
I am a nobody.. nobody is perfect.. therefore I am PERFECT!!!
life is not short its the longest bloody fing you will ever do!!!!Related Pages: